King Kong

Peter Jackson's King Kong the Official Game of the Movie

I guess it isn't really fair to label this game an abomination. For its time, as basically a launch title for the 360, it does sport some impressive character models, not-atrocious acting, and it certainly has moments of greatness.

But, from the ludicrous full title on down, this game is a mish-mash of missed opportunities, poor design and outright bad play. The death knell to the game comes from the moment the first cut scene ends and you assume control of your player-character... and it isn't Kong. This game features completely straight-forward play, the worst of the worst in on-rails first-person action, with the occasional "get red key, open red door" action. The backgrounds are an endless sea of re-used backgrounds and flora, the worst I've seen since the Library in Halo. The game has survival elements in that you have to conserve ammuntion because the endless rib-bones available are more than useless (they cause no melee damage, only when thrown), but some enemies are mysteriously invincible to bullets and can only be hurt by native weaponry. Then again, every few stages your skillfully stored-up ammunition is all stripped from you, so why bother saving ammo?

The game becomes absolutely fantastic the moment you gain control of King Kong, though, offering a smorgasboard of racing-style tree swinging chases and brutal, violent combat (V-Rex assassinations are particularly satisfying), but you almost don't want to fight the bosses because it means you're about to return to playing as Jack, the worthless human. You're left wondering why the whole game didn't just eschew the humans and go for "GTA: Skull Island."

The controls are painfully slow: you walk at a snail's pace, you turn even slower, the unintuitive buttons are mapped badly and not adjustable. The gunplay is uninspired, hit location irrelevant, and melee nonexistant. The complaint that it is little more than an interactive movie is very apt; there's very little in the way of overarching goals or multiple paths to solve a puzzle, though occasionally you can brute-force a solution instead of following instructions, though this occasionally will cause the NPCs to ignore the trigger to advance the plot.

All these complaints ignore the most important detractor: length. This game is 6 hours long, with next to zero replayability (though a welcome level-select screen did allow me to replay the Kong chase scene, which again is really the highlight of the title). As a $60 title, this would leave a terrible taste in mouth; thank God it was only a GameFly rental for me.

Graphics: Backgrounds and common enemies are repetitive, but Kong himself looks great, as do most NPCs. 2.
Sound: Mostly absent. Appropriate hisses and rustles abound, but it's unmemorable. 2.
Controls: Atrocious. Everything is slow and plodding, and you're either button-mashing (Kong stages) or endlessly fighting a slow-moving, slow-turning Jack. 1.
Tilt: It's just like the Peter Jackson movie: Long, boring, occasionally aggrivating, with a few awesome scenes mixed in. 1.
Overall (not an average): 1.