Friday, October 29, 2010

HORROR WEEK: Special Comment

And now, as promised, a Special Comment about games.

One of the better compliments a baseball player can receive is that he 'plays within himself,' a phrase meaning that a batter who is a contact hitter doesn't try to hit homers and thus create more outs than runs. The term sounds derisive at first, as if to describe someone who is unable to do whatever is asked of him, but nothing could be farther from the truth.

Throughout history, the arts have struggled to find the best way to express emotions and ideals. The different humanities each have something that they do best. You don't see many movies about the internal dilemmas of a man coming to grips with his fading vigor in his old years because internal conflict like that plays out best in the context of a novel that can explore internal monologues; likewise, the action and bombast of a triumphant war movie plays poorly as a poem but makes for a fantastic summer blockbuster. The arts must learn to 'play within themselves.'

Starting with, probably, the last-gen systems the constant bickering over whether 'games are art' debate has been pretty firmly put to rest, pretty much on the back of Silent Hill 2, though rumblings of 'games are art is visible even earlier, in spook-fests like the original Alone in the Dark. And games, as an art form, have one genre that is really and truly "in their wheelhouse" so to speak: Horror. When games (no pun intended) play within themselves,' they do it best capitalizing on the Horror genre.

Every art plays on one or more essential connections to the human psyche. Video Games combine the visuals and storytelling language of movies, but lack their ability to control information to the viewer. The sense of controlling the action is unique to games, and this sense of power is where the ability of games to craft a sense of horror and dread come to the forefront. The general conceit of controlling an avatar's actions on screen plunges people deeper into vicariously living the lives of the characters onscreen, building a stronger bond with their representatives than even an epic novel can offer. This bond created between player and character is literally divine; you are both God and his will given flesh onscreen, a duality unlike anything else in the arts.

This bond is absolute; the character's victories are yours, and you feel a sense of pride about every one of your avatar's accomplishments. Similarly, your character's defeats sting that much more than the tribulations of a character on screen or stage. And the unique connection becomes all the more intense when the risks facing your avatar are increased, your challenges made Herculean, your resources depleted and your enemies made legion.

This risk and realization of triumph in the face of overwhelming, dooming odds is what the great games are made of. You are emotionally invested in your avatar in a way you aren't reading or watching a horror tale, because (for lack of a better term) you are living the horror as it unfolds; you scream as a door opens to reveal monsters and command your avatar to run away, just as you yourself would. The real risk to your continued survival is heightened as you run the real risk yourself of dying in the most unpleasant fashion imaginable (and sometimes even in fashions beyond imagination!).
With the continuing advances in sound design, control scemes, graphical capabilities and raw storage size, games get closer and closer to you living the events on-screen as they play out. While a convincing game that depicts human-to-human interaction is still as far out as a Turing-Test-capable AI, a human-versus-environment game is real now, and the most effective way to capitalize on it in a way that movies, stage, the written word, song and poem can never hope to do is to scare the pants off of the player.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

HORROR WEEK: The Darkness

The Darkness

Sometimes it doesn't pay to spend your time being a virtual hero, fighting against things that go bump in the night. Sometimes, you just want to do the bumping. For those times, there's The Darkness. Written by Garth Ennis, based on his own eponymous comic, The Darkness weaves a twisted underworld fairytale as only the master of gratuitous violence and hilarity can. If you're not a comic fan, you've probably never heard of the mad Irishman Ennis, but rest assured he's one of the most demented brilliant writers working today.

Our game starts out as a extraordinarily generic first-person shooter: you're a Mafia hitman whose boss set you up, yadda yadda. But then you come into possession of a demonic entity's powers, and you use them to slaughter endless waves of Mafia mooks, crooked cops and undead Nazis in creative ways, all the while smashing lights and shooting streetlamps to keep yourself in good health. The suitably creepy Mike Patton provides the voice of both the angry entity (the titular Darkness) and its minions, the goofy yet ultraviolent Darklings.

The sound design is top-notch, and the graphics are grim and gritty (though a bit overdark, like a normal FPS's bloom-fest in reverse), with the storyline pulling no punches as it drags you through hell and back for the love of your girlfriend. There are collectables aplenty, handled in a unique way as you collect phone numbers and call them in on a pay phone, and the wit of Ennis really shines as many of them are darkly hilarious.

I'll admit, a console isn't the best place to play a first-person shooter, and this game is no exception to that rule. The autoaim is frustration, and you move and turn very slowly compared to the badass assassin you're built up to be; the sense of speed and urgency is missing from your normal interaction with the world. But the creativity with which the game delivers all the standards of the genre (phone numbers as collectables, a subway station for a warp hub) and the endless chatter available from people who have no impact on the game shows a lot of care was put into this game.

It was slept on by most, but The Darkness is a great single-player experience that deserves a playthrough, especially at the used prices it can be had for nowadays. The game's replay value is low (an atrocious multiplayer offering doesn't help), but for that twelve hours or so, it's a thrill ride with a lot to offer in terms of a richly-realized world, with fantastic voice acting and a spit-shine.

Graphics: Standard for this generation. Face models and speech are beautiful, but play on an SD TV at your own peril. 4.
Sound: Mike Patton is an awesome foil for our "hero" Jackie Estacado. 5.
Controls: Wonky and unresponsive. 2.
Tilt: Great, dark fun. It's a monster movie where you play the monster. 4.
Overall (not an average): 4.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

HORROR WEEK: DOOM

DOOM

Way back when computers were new, there was no internet, no great hivemind telling people what to think. There was only your friends, telling you about this awesome game that Jimmy was playing last time they were over. And for 90% of us, DOOM was that game. While not the progenitor of the FPS, DOOM was such an influence that the term First-Person Shooter had to be coined because too many games were being described as "DOOM Clones," which begged the question to the customer: Why not just play DOOM?

What makes DOOM great, even to this day, is not the graphics (which are not just dated, but now painfully archaic) or the MIDI-based sound, but the level design. DOOM takes its cues not from what we understand of on-rails FPS's or even Light Gun games of the day, but of the text adventure games of the era, offering dozens of secrets, shortcuts and of course 'monster closets' that open up behind you at the most inopportune times. Levels are set up almost as puzzles, with the monsters serving as both an impetus to keep moving and an obstacle in the way of progress.

The lack of a Y-axis sorely hurts DOOM on a modern replay, even moreso than it lacking a true third dimension, as we have grown so used to it that not having it feels almost foreign and retarded (in the classical sense of the word), although the sound design holds up shockingly well. DOOM does an impressive job of making the player intensely aware of sound cues having a specific vocabulary of meanings, and although they are chiptunes at this point, the themes from DOOM are still effective at portraying the immediacy of each stage.

Replaying DOOM now, you realize, much as with a modern replay of the original Legend of Zelda, that these games were punishgly hard and rewarded memorization and repetition as much as playskill. The fun, however, is still present in force, as you attempt not just to make it through the stages, but with your sanity and ammo count high.

Graphics: No excuses, this game is disgusting by modern standards. Releasing a port onto XBLA without at least touching up the sprites is unforgivable. 1.
Sound: Aged like fine wine, and the monster sounds are suitably creepy to this day. 4.
Controls: They feel infantile, which is of course what they are, but no crippling deficiencies. 2.
Tilt: Still great fun to this day, either solo, deathmatching or co-op. 4.
Overall (not an average): 3.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

HORROR WEEK: Penny Arcade Episode 1

Penny Arcade Adventures, Episode 1: On the Rain-Slicked Precipice of Darkness

There was a time when Penny Arcade was relevant and funny. Then World of Warcraft happened, and there was a fundamental shift away from jokes that were gaming-inspired to jokes that were gaming-derived. So it was with no small amount of trepidation that I started up OTRSPOD, fearing the worst. I was pleasantly surprised to discover a good old-fashioned RPG under the hood, quasi-real time combat mixed with levelling heroes and weapons and a decent-enough plot. Best of all, the comedy is derived from the source material, not from pop culture or in-jokes (with the notable exception of the presence and centrality to the plot of the Fruit Fucker 2000).

Tycho of PA is a brilliant if verbose writer, and his riffing on Lovecraftian themes, coupled with good, lowbrow humor and a sense of whimsy really plays into a great tribute to early 20th century horror author tropes, with genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes littered throughout. The graphics are gorgeous, hand-drawn everything that integrates your created character well. There are some sections that summon the phrase "chintzy Flash game" to mind but overall a positive impression, graphically.

Because the entire game is a throwback to text-based interactions, there's no voice-acting to speak of except for a narration at the beginning and end (and a credits song by MC Frontalot!), so the moody music and ghostly, repetitive monster attack sounds will have to serve you. And, being a throwback game at heart, get ready for lots of walking around, though the game wisely avoids "random encounters" entirely, making you full aware of what awaits you before each combat begins. The flow of the real-time attack meters and countering moves is an interesting combo; you have to wait for attack animations to finish, but at the same time pay attention as there is dexterity-based portions to each combat.

As part of a planned Quadrilogy, the price tag of $20 is a little steep, as the game railroads you pretty hard into the same planned progression each playthrough, offering no different experiences, and grinding is pretty much impossible as sections remain locked until you have finished a suitable amount of story ahead of it. While it isn't a scary game by any means, it does shamelessly and deliberately ape the stylings of H.P. Lovecraft and August Derleth, turning their monster's conventions on their heads and cracking wise, and for making you laugh during your fight with their version of Cthulhu, they get major props at least.

Graphics: Hand-drawn everything, with solid animations, but nothing really mind-blowing. 3.
Sound: A spooky soundtrack, but no voice work and reptitive monster sounds. 2.
Sound Supplemental: A credits song, by MC Frontalot: +1
Controls: The dexterity of blocking/dodging feels shoehorned into an otherwise classic turn-based RPG system. 3.
Tilt: Lots of jokes at the expense of mimes, fruit, carneys, urinologists and Lovecraft. 4.
Overall (not an average): 3.

Monday, October 25, 2010

HORROR WEEK: Dead Space

Dead Space

I am a gigantic sissy-girl when it comes to horror games. I'm not ashamed to say it, I have a lot of trouble playing 'scary games.' Which is odd, because I'm the biggest gorehound I know, and have an encyclopedic knowledge of horror movies and horror authors; I love the genre, but there's something about playing a game, where you are the one being chased, attacked or dismembered that makes it completely unnerving.

Dead Space is pretty much the scariest thing you will ever play. I am not exaggerating in the least when I say it is endlessly unsettling and outright terrifying. The irony is it is such a completely lame and overdone plot, but like the great horror films, it realizes the point is not an interesting storyline, but pants-crapping fear that matters, and the less "story" that gets in the way, the better. Horror and Comedy share these traits in cinema, books and games.

Issaac Clark (as in, Asimov and Arthur C., get it?) is a repairman who has to put together a drifting spaceship that has been ovverrun with the animated corpses of its staff, and his long-distance girlfriend is somewhere on the ship as well. What Dead Space skips in plot, it makes up for in jaw-droppingly gorgeous setpieces and extraordinarily intelligent design. The game's director very clearly takes influences from the standard tropes of monster movies, and learns his lessons well.

Shadows shift and change, monsters grumble and skitter even when they aren't attacking, and the ship groans and creaks like a dying behemoth you are trapped in the belly of. For the full experience, playing this game with the audio routed to a pair of headphones will set most over the edge.

The best touches are the little ones, what we call 'polish' in the games industry. Unlike a normal shooter, this game makes sure every time you have to go anywhere, there's not just one path. There's always an alternate route, one bathed in darkness, that even though your digital breadcrumb trail says is useless, you find yourself checking out "just to be sure." Whenever you walk up to a closed door, the icon reads "Open?", a question you don't really want to answer 'yes' to, since you know death awaits on the other side.

Graphics: The best you'll see this gen. Everything is coated in a layer of polish, showing off the details better that even Silent Hill's famously painted backgrounds, only in true 3-D. 5.
Sound:
Better and spookier work than anything you'll endure elsewhere. Good luck playing this game after dark. 5.
Controls:
Issac is just a bit too slow and lumbering, though whether this is by design or not is debatable. 4.
Tilt:
White-knuckle thrill ride incarnate. 5.
Overall (not an average):
The definitive survival horror game of all time. It's questionable that this game will ever bested in this gen, or even the next one. 5.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

SHMUP WEEK: Ikaruga

Ikaruga

Ikaruga is the most accessible of the "Bullet Hell" shooters that have become the standard in cabinets across arcades everywhere. As the community around actually going to an arcade instead of staying home and playing online has shrunk, the demand for either a more unique experience (like the expensive input devices of Dance Dance Revolution) or a more hardcore challenge, Japanese developers (notably Cave) offered up some of the most insanely difficult shoot em ups in history. While the Americas aren't particularly interested in going to arcades anymore, we have no problem buying discs and downloaded titles of the best Japan has to offer.

Ikaruga follows that most famous of shmup plots: Aliens (or something) are attacking, let's send out some ships to defend Earth (or humanity)! The Ikaruga is scrambled to fight in this top-down shmup across a relatively short game of just five levels, but every moment is a treat to the eyes.

The central conceit - shoot enemies of a "light" or "dark" coloration in groups of threes to build a combo meter - makes for some torturousskill shots as you navigate your ship and pick and choose. Being able to hotswap your invulnerability shield from light to dark bullets also gives you a bizarre cavalier attitude in a genre known for scurrilous movements to avoid taking a hit.

The enemies and stage dressings you face are a technophile's dream, a proto-robotech world fraught with industrial machines that spit out spherical threats in an unending wave. There's a lot to process on the screen, and it's even more amazing when you realize that this is by far the easiest bullet hell shooter around.

Graphics: Crisp, but nothing groundbreaking. 3.
Sound:
The music is passable, but I wish there was more coming from the enemies. 2.
Controls:
With a "screen rotate" option, this game goes out of its way to make you comfortable. 4.
Tilt:
Plenty of fun alone, even better with a co-op buddy. Right on the cusp of controller-throwing hard without being a breeze. 3.
Overall (not an average): 3.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

SHMUP WEEK: Einhander

Einhander

When you think "side-scrolling shoot-em-up," the first developer on the tip of your tongue is probably not Square, home of the cutscene and spikey-hair angsty protagonist. But back in 1998, Square stunned the world with the criminally under-appreciated Einhander, a shmup with something to prove. The side-scroller takes the conventions of the genre and adds something that really hasn't been seen since - honest-to-goodness RPG-like choices in loadouts.

The Einhander ship itself is your first choice - there are three different configurations to start with, each with their own set of advantages. They all look, like the rest of the game, completely fantastic - Einhander compares favorably with any game of its era, and really a little bit into the next era. Because it uses 3D models in a 2D setting, its 2.5-D display looks great, and allows them to play quite a bit with your expectations of what "side scrolling" really means. The bosses are gigantic, but it's the drawn backgrounds, like Final Fantasy's, that will really blow you away.

Music is suitably epic and post-apocalyptic, and the standard gatling gun on all ships is deep and resounding, but pretty grating after a long play session. The special weapons, in all their creative glory, are fantastic. The lighting-call and lightsaber are both highlights, but the RPG launcher also stays with you.

The challenge is up there, and while this is far from a bullet hell style shooter, it does have plenty of problem-solving elements that you'll have to work with (solving paths on the fly with limited information, or enemies with conditions that must be met before destroying them) all while handling an upper-level challenging shmup.

Graphics: Mind-blowing. Shows off Square's specialty in a genre known mostly for endlessly tiled forests or clouds. 5.
Sound:
While not Final Fantasy-quality orchestrals, a cut about simple horn-based battle loops common to the genre. 4.
Controls:
Rewards canny manipulation and hot-swapping your limited-ammo special weapons while managing turret placement on your main gun. This is all handled decently, but the PS1 controller was not designed for such tortured manipulations. 4.
Tilt:
Einhander was the hotness when it came out, and it continues to be a misunderstood classic. 5.
Overall (not an average): 5.

Monday, June 21, 2010

SHMUP WEEK: Life Force

Life Force

Welcome back! We're going to take it a little old-school today as we explore several different shmups this week. First up, Life Force, the sequel to the seminal Gradius, known to some as Salamander. Full disclosure: My first experience with this game was on the NES, and it was on its release, when I was 8 years old. I was only treated to one game per month, so when I chose this, it was with the knowledge that I would be playing only this for a full month. And I played the hell out of Life Force.

The story is actually pretty cool, as far as space shooters go: an ancient, giant alien galaxy-being is going around eating planets. As the Vic Viper (or as player 2, the Road British), you actually fly into the heart of the being, kill it and escape by the seat of your pants. The level design reflects this - the first stage you fly past giant teeth as you enter the mouth, and it goes on from there. The classic Gradius style - shoot enemies for powerups, cash them in for better and better tools, and the ever-present 'Option' are all there, and thankfully the game features instant respawns instead of having a checkpoint-based system like the first Gradius.

Graphically, the game holds up remarkably well, even today. While the monsters are simple two-frame sprites, the stages are the real stars, with suitably creepy intestines and brain matter fighting for screen real estate with more terrestrial design. Alternating between top-down and side-scrolling action also gives you a better idea just what the Vic Viper looks like. The bosses are grotesque, starting with the grasping brain-eyeball at the end of the first stage, and only grow more freakish as you go deeper into, literally, the belly of the beast.

The music is catchy but not fantastic, and unfortunately does suffer from its chiptunes roots compared to what we're capable of today. The sound effects are tinny, annoying and numerous; the game is an unapologetic arcade coinsink, and has the bleeps and bloops to prove it.

Given the limitations of a two-button controller, Life Force decides not to fight it and simply has one button fire all weapons simultaneously and builds in rapid-fire. The Vic Viper thus lays down a wall of firepower that looks fantastic and makes you feel like an actual space ace as you tackle the terror from beyond.

Once you play through the first stage enough to generate muscle-memory of where each powerup, enemy and safe route are, you'll be able to breeze through it, and die horribly three times very quickly at the beginning of stage two. And you'll love every second of it. This is as it should be; the tag Quarter Pounder is very applicable here.

Graphics: The enemies (other than bosses) are simple affairs, but the stage dressing is creative and fun, even today. 5.
Sound: Forgettable music and chintzy effects. 2.
Controls: Doesn't try to do to much, and is the better for it. 4.
Tilt: A balls-hard shmup with a creative setting. 5.
Overall (not an average): Tendrils' Top Pick.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Plants vs Zombies

Plants vs Zombies

Tower Defense games are all the rage nowadays. Disposable, survive-this timekillers that run on minimal resources and require you to make the tough decisions on when to build that new tower. PopCap is probably the best casual developer to have ever developed casually. So when PopCap came out with a tower defense game, the result was expected to be fairly good.

But good God, this game is fan-freaking-tastic. The concept - zombies are invading your yard, and only plants - powered by sunbeams - can fight them off. The art style, cribbed directly from Penny-Arcade's whimsy, pits ultra-adorable "pea shooters" and smilin' sunflowers against zombies that drive zambonis and wear ducky innertubes is instantly endearing. There's literally nothing not to like in this game. But don't take it from me; here's EuroGamer, which says everything I want to but far more succinctly:
A masterful combination of serious strategy and cartoonish delights - and by adding mini-games, survival modes and a shop, PopCap is practically rubbing it in. The result is as fresh and accessible as Super Mario, and as refined and considered as Left 4 Dead, wading into another established genre and polishing the central ideas in a way that will make it a hard act to follow.
If I can have any complaint at all about this game, it is that there is an element of dexterity in harvesting your sunlight that feels out of place, a slight bit of twitch gaming in a whole that is solidly in the strategy genre, though it is a minor nitpick, and there's certainly a polished way of expressing that to you in-game via plants that glow a moment before releasing their golden manna.

This is a short review, because there is literally nothing wrong with this game. Buy it right now.

Graphics: Brightly colored with hilarious and accessible enemies and utilities. 5.
Sound: Minimal music still sets the mood, and the zombies groan appropriately. The Thriller Zombie is a high note. 4.
Controls: Not too much really needs to be done, but everything controls brilliantly. 4.
Tilt: It's got zombies. And seed packets. There's nothing not to like. 5.
Overall (not an average): Tendrils' Top Pick

Friday, April 23, 2010

Battlestations: Midway

Battlestations: Midway

Battlestations: Midway is pretty much the most complete game that was released on the 360 in 2007. Lots of games did some of the stuff in it better, and some games did everything it did, but not as well. But Midway is the pinnacle of 3rd-person action blended with overarcing strategy and oh hey, howzabout some kickass multiplayer with a community that's as tight-knit as it is skilled. It says something when the demo for a game two years old still has lobbys filling up almost instantly.

There's a lot to like here. For the historical buffs, there's tons of pages of information about how the Pacific theater war was actually fought. For the strategists, plotting courses and commissioning your fleet's deployments just right is very rewarding. And of course the dogfighting/bombing runs are pure adrenaline. At its core, Midway is a strategy game; realistically the computer is as good or better than you at actually executing the attacks you request, but eff dat noize, bombing runs, bitches. The sparse, Horner-esque soundtrack lets the big war machines make their mark, and it's great fun listening to something as big as the Yamato rumble into life and start firing those big guns.

It isn't all nose art and sneak attacks, though. The learning curve can best be described as "up a greased brick wall," and the tutorial is well over two hours long - and necessary - as the sheer number of options weighs down on you. Skilled micromanaging players from days of Starcraft yore will have the full scale of choices baffling them with the sheer variety available. The controls, once you are used to them, never really feel comfortable, though they are more than servicable, and as noted earlier, the computer really is better than you at basic actions.

The controls aside, you really can't ask for more from a game. It's ambitious, unique and competent. If you're a history buff, the most famous battles are faithfully recreated for you to either win again or change the tide of history as the other side. I can't recommend it enough for anyone who has the patience for its difficult-to-master control scheme.

Graphics: The ships look great, though the water and skybox aren't the lush eye-candy you'd get from a true AAA title. Given the scope, that's acceptable. 3.
Sound: Great rumbles from engines, budda-buddas from guns and booms from bombs. 5.
Controls: They try and do a lot with just an XBox Controller, and succeed - but it isn't pretty. 3.
Tilt: Great fun, populous multiplayer, but the single-player campaign is quite short. 4.
Overall (not an average): 4

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Worms

Worms

There's good and bad in the Worms port to XBLA. Worms as a game in general is a Top Pick; its combination of adorable avatars, cutesy weapons and over-the-top violence are a winner for all-time, but this is a review of the port, and as a port, it's lacking.

The number-one thing it lacks is weapons. Many of the most-fun weapons are completely absent, notably the Holy Hand Grenade. Ninja Rope is present in all its glory, unfortunately, taunting you with the moves you can cheese out of its use. There is also no level editor, a common absence because MicroSoft hates user-generated content (a snide person would point out that UGC means selling DLC becomes harder), but Team 17 could've forced it through.

Graphically, it's a mixed bag. The worms are expressive, but unfortunately the backgrounds are chosen from only 4 or so locales, and the pregenerated maps have only 3 configurations, limiting the creative carnage possibilites. Sound packs to customize your wormsclamations are free and fun, and the weapons sound nice for the most part, so no complaints there. Porting a mouse-based game to the console has a unique set of challenges, but Team 17 nailed it.

Allegedly, a remake of Worms World Tour is in the works for XBLA/PSN, and nothing would make me happier, but until it arrives, for just five dollars you could do a lot worse than owning this version of Worms.

Graphics: Nothing great, but nothing bad either. 3.
Sound:
Worms are cute, guns go boom. 5.
Controls:
Servicable. Some buttons are a little unintuitive, and no option to remap. 3.
Tilt:
You could do far, far worse than this evolution of Scorched Earth. 5.
Overall (not an average): 2

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Marble Blast Ultra

Marble Blast Ultra

Some games are just brilliant in their design, and require nothing else. Marble Blast Ultra is such a game, and yet they added tons of additional features. The basic concept should be very familiar to gamers: You are a marble, and must get to the exit as fast as possible. Dodge obstacles and collect powerups to do so. There are gimmick stages, as well as stages designed for skill and stages that have a "trick" to finishing them in a flash. There are endless pinball bumpers situated on ice terrain that are controller-busting infuriating, and you'll love every minute of it.

The colors are bright, and your options for a ball include several fun options, as well as a few that show off their lighting engine in reflections. The music and sound effects get the job done, with subdued techno thumping and loud, brash sound effects that give audio cues when you use a power-up or 'blast' with your marble's ability.

Some of the puzzles require you to preform moves that aren't fully explained, and there isn't really a "practice zone" to try things without suffering through a long death scene, so it can be frustrating at high levels, but it's a minor complaint that is handled best by "play more, scrub."

But that's not enough. MBU also has comprehensive leaderboards and a pretty swank multiplayer component that features tense, gem-collecting, smack-talking elements while you compete to see who can knock their opponent off the edge the most (not the de jure goal of the multiplayer mode, mind you). They further kept their laurels un-rested by releasing even more DLC, more maddeningly-difficult stages to mess around in. Marble Blast is so good, I want to take it out behind the middle school and get it pregnant.

Graphics: Servicable. Bright colors and abstract landscapes get the point across, crucial in a puzzle game. 3.
Sound:
Repetitive but non-annoying soundtrack and jarring (in a good way) sound effects. 3.
Controls:
Responsive, but with enough play to make you keep going back to set a new best time. 5.
Tilt:
Great puzzles, great action, great multiplayer, great developer attention. 5.
Overall (not an average): 4.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Carcassonne

Carcassonne

There's a certain subset of hardcore gamers, people who aren't quite to the point of detailed, Battle for North Africa-level wargaming but who refuse to play the standard fare available in the toy aisle of most stores. For this market, a small group of European companies full of creative folk basically invented and defined a genre almost a decade ago with the release of Carcassonne, which started the trend of "German Board Game" as a label for a style of play- highly conceptual math, bartering and trading, and a finite, usually tile-based system instead of moving tokens around a circuit.

Carcassonne is the granddaddy of this genre, and makes the transition to video game form flawlessly. The basic idea is to build castles with tiles that have either grass or castle edges, with the occasional road piece thrown in to mix it up. Your limiting resource is that you only have 7 "Meeples" to claim things with, and you get them back only when your road/castle/church is completed, forcing you to decide whether to finish the castle early to get your meeple back or try to expand it.

The music is typical, just generic middle-aged fife and bells, maybe a minute and a half long, and the sound effects are similarly cheap, but no one plays it for the graphics or sound design. With five-player multiplayer (including local multiplayer, though sadly no hotseat play.) the fun comes in politicking your cause, and enticing everyone else to try and screw their neighbors before they realize you've been playing them all along.

If it's even possible, the video game version is actually better than the original, since it eliminates all the bookkeeping and loose pieces that can make the game a bit of a chore to score at the end, though the as-you-go scoring makes it a little tough to build a commanding lead. The DLC for the game adds an eight-tile beginning set that puts a massive river through the middle of the board, but realistically it adds little to an almost-perfect experience. The learning curve on this game is steep, but highly rewarding, and since it was offered free last year for a week, online is suitably populated, making finding a game even today easy.

Graphics: Servicable. Zoomed in all the way, there's a lot of nice touches, but nothing groundbreaking. 2/5
Sound:
You'll be plugging your iPod in for this one. 2/5
Controls:
Simple, but the game makes few demands. High score for not trying to be too cute. 4/5.
Tilt:
As a multiplayer experience, it eclipses everything that made the original the Origins Award winner for Board Game of the Year. 5/5.
Overall (not an average): 5/5.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Alone in the Dark (360)

Alone in the Dark

Alone in the Dark tries to do a lot of ambitious stuff, and for the most part succeeds in doing what it wants to do. Unfortunately, what it wants to do isn't very much fun. The Alone in the Dark franchise was the progenitor of the entire "survival horror" concept, where a common man (Edward Carnby, in modern day New York City for reasons that are vague and best left undiscussed) once again battles back against forces of ancient, Lovecraftian evil. The game presents itself as several discrete, independent stages that can be selected like DVD chapters and played through in any order. Allegedly, you don't need to have played the game linearly to understand it, but that's bunk, especially in a game as convoluted as this one.

The game offers unparalleled freedom. Everything is a weapon, and you're free to find your own way (sometimes), shooting locks out of doors and bashing in the window and hotwiring any car you can find. Unfortunately, the game also wrests control from you and forces you into retarded jumping puzzles over and over again, or worse, forces you to drive anywhere. The combat controls are similarly unweildy, at once naturalistic with their pressure-sensitive "rear-back-and-swing" setup and idiotic with no lock-on and context-sensitive 'up' like the old tank-movement games from Resident Evil's ignomious past.

Edward Carnby looks suitably grizzled and unkempt, and the monster design is fantastic. The visuals in this game are top-notch, and the sound design is up there with any of its contemporaries, but the game is just... a chore. There's no other way to say it. It's less than the sum of its parts, which on their own offer a lot of good ideas, but just aren't put together well. One really nice touch that more games should do is subtle hints. In the first stage, you have to creep along outside a building ledge 20 stories up. At one point you're required to hop up and hang from your fingertaps and wiggle across a gap. Instead of a giant arrow, or a pop-up prompt (this is part of a long tutorial), when the scene begins the camera swoops in, and you can see a few rats running across this same ledge. It's an elegant, in-game solution that rewards careful observers. Unforutunately, this is also infuriating when the in-game hint is vague or you don't have the exact same thought processes as the designers.

Graphics: The character models are great, and the scenery lush (though not Silent Hill levels of creepy). 3/5
Sound:
Equal to any of its contemporaries, though doesn't distinguish itself from the pack. 3/5
Controls:
There's a button to blink your eyes, which you need to do when you're in a smoky room or just waking up from being drugged. Combat is a chore and doing all the things this game is capable of is just annoying. 1/5
Tilt:
I keep using the word "ambitious" because that's what this game is. It overreaches and can't deliver, but there are repeated moments that make you go "Huh. That's sweet, I wish more games did that. 4/5.
Overall (not an average): 2/5

Friday, April 16, 2010

CSI: Hard Evidence

CSI: Hard Evidence

CSI: Hard Evidence is terrible. Just, awful in every way. So instead of reviewing it, I'll be reviewing an imaginary version that exists only in my mind of what should have been a cool game. Differences between my imagined game and the actual game will be italicized.
****
CSI: Hard Evidence is the latest installment in the critically acclaimed, hugely popular series of investigation games based on television's #1 show. In the game, you're the latest recruit to the Las Vegas Crime Scene squad, and in the game, you'll have to solve five delightfully demented mysteries, following the evidence to a proper conclusion.
The graphics are passable, with crisp resolutions and detailed scenes, conducive to actually investigating the tiniest detail in pursuit of the criminal. The game looks great, natively rendered in glorious 1080i with several pre-rendered cutscenes showing the investigator's current suggested scenarios for how it went down.
After being introduced to each crime scene, you have to start collecting evidence. To do so, you use an intuitive interface, holding down the right trigger to bring up a wheel with the various tools of your lab kit, selecting the tool using the right stick, then releasing the trigger to start working on the scene. The left trigger brings up the cell phone you use to call the Lieutenant to request warrants or place APBs, or to call other members of the CSI who are specialists in their field (of course, at any time, you can take over for them and accomplish the task faster).
The brilliance of the game is that in each level there are a number of suspects (the suspect list is the same in every game), but the evidence will lead to a different culprit each time, using a series of rotating location and interrogation clues.
You are able to interact with and process a startling amount of information at each of the scenes, some of which is a total red herring, and some of which is vital to the case; however, what is a red herring this playthrough could be a vital clue the next time through.
The music and ambient noise is a fine complement all around, mixing slightly urban instrumentals with the show's actual soundtrack and effects work, and the voice acting is provided by all the principal cast members as well as a few "guest stars" just like the show (we won't spoil who they are, but one is a common haunter of the environs of Las Vegas).
While the different "mini-games" for processing evidence aren't terribly deep, they do require a bit of skill and a keen eye; thankfully you are able to progress at least to the next section without every single shred of evidence, though warrants and confessions may be tougher to come by, though there is the tiniest bit of wiggle room.
Most impressive, though, is the ability to reach a false conclusion. At the end of the case, there's a denoumant that explains (with classic CSI flashbacks) how the crime went down, although in some cases, there's an overwhelming amount of evidence against one person, and you are able to get an arrest warrant for them, because a piece of exculpatory evidence was missed. In these cases, you'll see a quick screen explaining how the killer was set free (and receive a poor review grade and miss the achievement). The scary possibility of sending innocent people to jail because you screwed up is integral to making CSI a winner instead of a boring point-n-click farce where the interrogations have no dialog trees, you're just required to press A every so often.

Graphics (Imaginary Good Game Score in Parentheses): Agressively bad - muddy textures in a pixel-hunting game, and often times completely black swaths with no way to illuminate them contribute to a painful experience (the crisp colors and ability to use blacklights or a traditional flashlight make the game challenging but not limited) 1 (4)
Sound: Great effects and music (the original cast and a few "stunt voices" make a cool bonus) 4 (5)
Controls: Mean-spiritedly obtuse, making no use of any buttons except A and LB, ever. (intuitive and clever, with slick animations) 1 (5)
Tilt: An unfun chore - you're better off just watching the show (expands on the show and puts you in the middle of the action) 1 (4)
Overall (not an average): 1 (4)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Frogger

Frogger

Frogger is exactly what it has always been: a very-low-input game about patience and exactitude. Digital Eclipse, the company largely responsible for these no-effort ports onto XBox Live's Arcade, basically did a sprite-swap, and despite looking a thousand times better than its original blocky state, they actually managed to make it worse.

The gameplay is the same: You're a frog. A frog who can't swim, but still a frog. And you're on a highway median. You need to cross a highway that is extraordinarily poorly designed, with traffic flow reversed from lane to lane, and vehicles that are clearly not street-legal (like bulldozers and salt-flat racers) zipping along. Then, turtles attempting to qualify for a synchronized swimming team will assist you in getting from log to log, and if you play your cards right, you'll end up at home with a little lady frog to make you some hot cocoa.

Where Digital Eclipse goes wrong is in offering an upgraded graphics option. While it's nice to have more detailed backgrounds and pretty sprites for the various objects, high-level Frogger play is about very exacting jumps, weaving between traffic with only pixels to spare. The "upgraded graphics" add just enough blurryness, just enough questionability to the range which is "safely on the log" versus the range that qualifies as "in the water, start over froggy" that you end up having to simply turn off the upgraded mode. The most frustrating jumps relate to the Frog Homes, which now have rounded-off edges that make judging the center much more difficult.

Overall, the game is a fun diversion, and while depth was never the strong point of early-80s arcade classics, you and George Constanza would both be well-served in giving Frogger a shot in this millenium, if only to piss off Jeff Minter.

As a side note, this will be the last dailyreview article until the last week of the year, as I am going on holiday to play a whole bunch of games and refresh my opinions on a few before posting reviews.

Graphics: Upgraded graphics are prettier (at least SNES quality), but destroy high-level play. 2.
Sound:
Chiptunes and public-domain piano licks were weak 20 years ago. 1.
Controls:
The left stick stands in amenably for an arcade joystick. 3.
Tilt: Disposable and cheap, just like a true arcade classic. 2.
Overall (not an average): 2.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Boogie Bunnies

Boogie Bunnies

Boogie Bunnies is deeply, deeply flawed. It's unfun on a primal level, uses a common new technique in the exact wrong way, and sucks all the life out of what is supposed to be a puzzle game and injects it with insipidness instead. It's a chore to play or play well, and "multiplayer" essentially boils down to yelling at your buddy over and over because you think you know better.
...
...
What? Are you waiting for the "but, it's fantastic!"? There isn't one.

Boogie Bunnies does pretty much everything wrong en route to a traveshamockery of an arcade puzzle game. Even the load screen is terrible, overindulgent and mostly way too long. The graphics (never a key point in any puzzle game) are agressively bad. They're about on par with an SNES game, and while that wouldn't normally be a breaking point, the game makes central to its concept that these bunnies, who apparently are Extremist Muslims, as they are ecstatic to be blown up and sent to their final reward whenever three or more of them are together spend half their time dancing, spinning and chirping. Due to the quasi-3-D design, this causes you to be unable to tell which bunnies are in which row, and the color sceme (various pastels and cool colors like blue, purple and teal right next to each other) does you no favors. This 'visual pollution' is all the rage nowadays in puzzlers, and while there's a correct time to use it, Boogie Bunnies proves that there is also a worst time to use it, and that time is any time you are playing Boogie Bunnies.

The music is somehow even worse than the dodgy graphics, as there's a romping, jovial side-scrolling game's music wedged in as the default music. This song is forty-five seconds long, and then it repeats, while squeaky-voiced bunnies chirp through three or four sayings endlessly. The "boogie" part of the game comes in when, at seemingly random moments, they start dancing to a eurobeat sound that crawled out of 1999's butthole to torture your ears. Best of all, the bunnies all "YIPPEE!!" whenever their ranks are thinned via a combo or two.

Controlling the bunnies, when they aren't dancing and actively confusing your attempts to fire, is actually not terrible, and it's the one place this game innovates in a good way. You can move your bunny along the bottom to the column you want, or up the sides and fire into the row you want. It's a neat trick and handy for generating the long combos you're looking for to fill up your boogie meter and move on to the next stage, each time hoping it is the end of our long national nightmare of boogeying rabbits.

Overall, I have to say, there is definitely a market for a breezy, light game about retarded bunnies that dance like idiots. But that market is solely occupied by Rayman Raving Rabbids, and Boogie Bunnies isn't even on the same plane. If you're looking to set ten dollars on fire, just put a match to a Hamilton, tape it, and put the video on YouTube. It will be far more entertaining than actually playing Boogie Bunnies.

Graphics: Alternatingly retarded and infuriatingly incomprehensible. 1.
Sound: You'll wish your speakers were broken. 0.
Controls: Has some signs of innovation. 3.
Tilt: It's like Sierra made doo-doo butter in your mouth. 1.
Overall (not an average): 1.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

TMNT

TMNT

Ahh, a movie tie-in game. Fantastic, time to rip this game a new--what? It's not terrible in every way? Oh, well then I'll slag it down for late-era PS2 graphi-- eh? It's a joy to look at? Well then, time to rip it apart for its piss-easy challenge- what, not going to cut me off? Oh, it does take four hours to finish start-to-end with no replay. Well then.

The new TMNT movie was suprisingly good; not nearly as much so as the original Elias Koteas vehicle (which holds up shockingly well today, especially the puppetry), but an exceptional bright spot on the long, CGI-laden wave of 'kiddy flicks.' The game is no different- it's pleasant enough, above average with a few shameless nods to better games, but does nothing to really make it a hidden gem.

Graphically it moves like a Ninja Gaiden; most of the animations make you feel like a gimped Ryu Hayabusa, which is not the worst thing they could've shot for. There's great subtle color-coded pathing to keep you headed towards the path you need to be on (though it's mostly pointless as unfortunately TMNT is a game world where two-foot high bushes and chain-link fences make effective walls against masters of ninjitsu. The game employs a sort of quasi-cel-shaded effect for the characters, and bears a pretty effective likeness to the movie, which you basically replay over a few hours time.

The sound effects are pretty much canned through-and-through, and while Splinter's occasional voice-over hints are nicely done, the constant angsty internal monologue the turtles keep during gameplay is aggrivating. Music is straight from the movie's soundtrack, with no throwbacks to either the beat-em-up or cartoon that spawned it. This is a game determined to ignore its pedigree.

Controlling the turtles is actually pretty fun the first time through- they have wall-running, sheer-rock-face-climbing and nunchuck-wave-gliding down and it is fun to do. Unfortunately, you'll spend most of your time just holding up and running forward. Absent any real challenge (enemies only spawn at pre-set "Fight Scene" locations), you're left with a long slog through pretty and generally non-repetitive but completely useless hallways.

In the end, with about five hours of boring gameplay, TMNT ends up being a very pretty, very long interactive movie. I heartily recommend watching the new movie, but the new game gets a pass - unless you're an achievement grinder, as every achievement is storyline-based and you will get all 1000G from a single evening's gameplay.

Graphics: The game shines here, the locations are varied and well-integrated with the design ethic. 4.
Sound: Repetitive sword-swings and "hi-ya!"s when you jump get old fast. 1.
Controls: Actually pretty fun, but the lack of a chance to test your skills gimps it. 2.
Tilt: Challenge-free fun. Play it for a night on a rental or GameFly, never think of it again. 1.
Overall (not an average): 1

Monday, April 12, 2010

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1989 Arcade

TMNT 1989 Arcade

There's something about a well-crafted beat-'em-up that's just timeless. Endless goons, fun animations and a solid strategy that exists at a higher level if you want to find it, that makes for an excellent Saturday afternoon at the mall with a pocketful of quarters. Digital Eclipse get shit on a lot for no-effort ports to XBLA, but with the TMNT Arcade, they managed to get everything important right, and restore honor to this game after the terrible NES port all those years ago.

The plot is pretty straightforward, and should be familiar to any child of the 80's: Shredder has kidnapped April, and the titular turtles must rescue her and defeat Shredder. The colors are vibrant and there is no slowdown or clipping, remnants of the limitations of the NES port from days of yore. The sprites run around in 2.5-D, slashing and throwing Foot Clan soldiers on their way to the Technodrome. The bosses look great, colorful and oversized with their trademark voice samples intact.

The music is a faithful recreation of the original arcade's tunes, reworking the original TV series's thirty-second song into several compositions. Slashes and explosions are just as you remember them, too, but no mastering for surround-sound systems (a fault to hold against Digital Eclipse, I suppose). While the music is nostalgic and all, I can't help but wonder if another company with a little more effort might have created new arrangements to give each stage more of a personality.

Controlling the turtles on the 360 is a breeze, but there is no button mapping available. Thankfully, the attack and jump buttons are all you use, so there isn't too much fault to be had (unlike, say, TRON, which tried and failed to emulate a dial-wheel controller), and while oddly the netcode is unforgiving to HPBs and their dial-up connections, lag is throttled by a full-party pause rather than clipping and creating more problems.

There isn't too much to say about this game: the tight controls, solid beat-em-up street cred and nostalgia for a simpler age of play does what it wants, and does it well. 'Drop in-Drop Out' play would be welcome, but doesn't jibe with the 20-credits-to-beat-the-game plan the game lays out for you. Fun Fact: TMNT 1989 was the first Arcade game to have Secret Achievements, with 1 for 0 G ("In the Dark"). I wish I could give this game a 3, but it just doesn't innovate enough. A faithful port, but at the end of the day, it is exactly the game you played as a kid.

Graphics: Exactly as you remember them; top-notch SNES level sprites. 3.
Sound: Faithfully recreated, but doesn't try to do anything fancy. 3.
Controls: No button-mapping and occasional laggy netcode. 2.
Tilt: It's a relaxing stroll through the Turtles world, but offers little replay. 3.
Overall (not an average): 2.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Thrillville: Off the Rails

Thrillville: Off the Rails

Tycoon games are tough. Too complex and you drive off everyone who isn't a CPA; too simple and you make it boring for anyone with half a brain. Thrillville errs on the "too simple" side, making you the teenage grandchild of a scatterbrained theme park owner, tasked with bringing the many parks back up to code, building and researching new rides, and helping other hormonal kids hook up while they're at the park. The last part is just as creepy as it sounds.

Colorful graphics and a very nifty no-load-screen cheat bring a lot of charm to the game, and dozens of intricate animations are running at any time, while every single guest in your park can be interacted with, using fairly unique dialog trees. While cartoonish, the graphics are bright and fun, with a lot of diversity in the fifteen "worlds" spread across five parks to enjoy. The two dozen or so minigames feature PS2 launch-title graphics, but being minigames, you aren't forced to suffer through them more than once if you don't want to.

The music is atrocious- there are 3 three-minute long pop songs, and they unfortunately all have insipid lyrics, playing in a loop in every part of the game down to the starting menu. Reach for the iPod or streaming music from moment one, or these bubblegum songs will stick with you forever. On the plus side, every conversation and dialog tree is voiced by a convincingly different assortment of voice actors, keeping it from feeling like you're talking to the same voice actor with a different accent all game.

The many Financial screens are laid out in a decently user-friendly intuitive format for a console game, and engaging in most actions is straightforward; sadly the game (barely more than a port of the PS2 title from a year before) does not capitalize on the greatest controller ever created, and this 360 title's unchangable button-maps at times feel like they've been shoehorned instead of assigned more natural.

The game's breezy challenge level is clearly tied into it's target audience of tweens, and nowhere is that more obvious than the puppy-loving "dating sim" portions of the game, where you have to learn from previous responses what sort of things a particular teenager likes and dislikes before you run out of conversation options to get them to be a "Love Interest." If you succeed, a hug from the date is the reward. Since the game keeps firm to its "E" rating, you won't find any creepy lines, but the innocence is sickly in its own saccharine way.

Graphics: It's a PS2 port, with very little work done to hide that. 2.
Sound: Full voice-over work is fine, but the soundtrack is dreadful and mercifully short. 1.
Controls: Intuitive menu navigation, but the minigame controls are a mixed bag. 3.
Tilt: Absent of any challenge, but also lacking the charm of a true "chillaxin' and playin' games" game like Uno or A Kingdom for Keflings. 3.
Overall (not an average): 2.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

skate.

skate.


skate. (yes, with the illogical period) is a breath of fresh air coming from the old, "press A to crank a 900°" school of skateboarding, and it represents a change in the very ethics of how skating games will be made from here on out. Tony Hawk already cancelled their 2008 offering, ostensibly to "retool" their scheme, but really it's because skate. so soundly kicked their ass that they are scrambling for some kind of answer, and it isn't coming from their dev team.

The central, defining point of skate. is its unique, analog "flickit" controls, 100% analog representations of your on-screen activities. Gone are ridiculous fetch-quests, 1000 foot grinds or "big air" measured in football fields. It's just street skating along the fictional roads of San Vanelona (San Francisco, Vancouver and Barcelona mixed together), with the occasional challenge thrown in as you take your created skater through the ranks to achieve super-stardom (and a cover shot on Thrasher magazine, natch).

While the graphics are perfectly servicable, with a full, real world to explore with no loading times, and the music and sound effects perfectly adequate (even through the stilted deliveries of pro skaters liberally littered across the landscape), it's the control sceme that will keep you coming back. Literally every move in the game is available from the moment you start the tutorial, and the only limit is your own ability to hit the exact placement on the right stick for any particular move.

With a beautiful online integration, and the ability to seamlessly share videos and pics (a personal favorite of mine being Clang Clang), skate. offers a full plate of interactivity and community to go along with the single-player mode. The challenge ramps up just gradually enough, and button-mashing will get you nowhere in the frenzied calm of a high-score trick contest. I literally cannot go on enough about the tactile sensation that comes from trying a trick twenty times in a row (easy as pie thanks to a genius checkpoint-maker that can reset you to the top of a hill to try that gnarly transfer one more time) only to finally nail it after a long string of bone-breaking crashes.

Graphics: The entire city is explorable with no loading times whatsoever, and even though the hats all look slightly 'off,' everything about the city itself looks great. 4.
Sound: Nothing fancy, and the soundtrack has too much of a mish-mash feel. You'll be plugging in your iPod very soon. 2.
Controls: The star of the show. It's never felt so good to try something twenty times in a row. 5.
Tilt: You can't get closer to skateboarding without grip tape and a truck key. 5.
Overall (not an average): 5.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

NBA Street Homecourt

NBA Street: Homecourt

Every sport it seems has a "street" variant released for it, which adds a hip, pick-up-and-play variant - usually spawned from a quarter-pounding arcade cabinet - that works to varying degrees. The NBA Street franchise has a solid pedigree, and EA Big went all out on their first next generation Street offering, NBA Street Homecourt. The results are nothing short of fantastic.

Rendered in full 1080i, Homecourt was one of the first true HD titles, and the extra work spent on character models shows through. With a game like basketball, where the players always play in full view of the crowds, with no headgear at all, minute details are immediately discernable if they are missing. Homecourt doesn't miss, though - every aspect of each NBA and WNBA star, as well as the unique local characters, hit every note, sport every tattoo and braid every hair just right.

The Create-a-Player story mode features the classic "pick up a player from the losing team" that we all remember from street ball, as well as hilarious RPG-like addition of "team discord," if you feed 'Melo the rock too much, eventually Rip Hamilton will complain and if you don't address his wants, quit the team! The sound effects and voices are breezy and forgettable, but the soundtrack is great. '80s breakbeats will have you busting out the refridgerator boxes, and entering the Gamebreaker mode triggers Herbie Hancock's seminal "Rockin' It."

The create-a-trick mode is perhaps ill-named, but you do use the face buttons in combination with the four shoulder buttons to individually direct your jukes and fakeouts, as well as (during Gamebreaker mode, filled up when you do enough tricks and reversals) breakdancing moves like up-rocks and UFO's. And of course, the jams. Oh dear, the double (and triple) jams, slam dunks that laugh at things like physics and world records for high jumps. The game playfull ignores all that nasty 'reality' stuff and offers over-the-top gaiden dunks if you've got the gamebreaker for it.

There is a very exploitable strategy when playing online, which only supports 1v1, that basically boils down to "camp Shaq under the hoop and goaltend like a motherfucker," and while doing so makes you win, it absolutely killed the online community for this game, and so unless you have a local buddy to co-op or VS with, the game's 8-hour long single-player career won't hold your interest as well as a fully-realized multiplayer like NHL 2k9's vaunted 5v5 season mode. Still, the beautiful character models, fluid animations and throwback soundtrack will make any time you spend on the blacktop with Homecourt worthwhile.

Graphics: Stellar character models in beautiful 1080i. 4.
Sound: Nothing crazy in the sound design, but the soundtrack is a fantastic throwback. 4.
Controls: The create-a-combo system is fun and rarely gets old. Context-sensitive AI directions mapped to the D-Pad are a welcome addition. 5.
Tilt: In co-op or VS this game is great; solo play is fun but limited with no online community. 3.
Overall: (not an average) 4.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

NFL Head Coach 09

NFL Head Coach 09

While Madden's gameplay has been increasing in quality only incrementally over the years, their front-office options have been exploding. Finally, in 2006 NFL Head Coach was released, and was a steaming pile. While it's unfair to boost a game's score based on previous iterations, NFL Head Coach 09 is pretty great if the following phrase describes a game you'd like: "It's like D&D for the jocks who beat up the kids who played D&D back in high school."

While graphics aren't at the heart of this strategy game, they are entirely servicable. The create-a-coach feature, however, is awful. Instead of perhaps 4 sliders for hair, eyes, skin and beard, instead you are forced to cycle through all 130+ configurations, each taking over a second to load. Once you select your team (a clever way to disguise selecting the difficulty level), you're off to the races, training players, scouting collegians, and occasionally playing a game of football.

I hate to keep bringing up Head Coach, but this game really is so far beyond it in pretty much every aspect. The game goes through real time, without artificial restrictions on when you can do specific activities like hiring and firing, but allows you to advance to the next "forced" event (like training day) on the fly. Quests are handed down, and you have to manage your support with the quest-givers (Owners, Fans, Players, and Media being the concerns you need to juggle) without weighing any one too heavily.

The actual on-field elements are competently handled, with an interesting "Emotion Selector" allowing you to respond either with passion or logic. The personnel you have on the field determines which choice was correct, whether players need an even keel or a warrior on their side. Playcalling itself is identical to the more-interactive Madden companion game.

While it isn't really a football game, I can't recommend this strategy game to a non-football fan; there is just too much that is predicated on an intricate familiarity with football knowledge and front-office machinations, but if you're the kind of person who simmed whole seasons of Madden just to get to the meat-and-potatoes of the offseason, Head Coach 09 is pretty much exactly what the box describes, no more, no less.

Graphics: Nothing outstanding, but then, there isn't much asked of it. 3.
Sound: You'll need your iPod for this game, as most of the time you're listening to a short looped clip of the same music. 2.
Controls: Most of the clickthroughs are fairly intuitive and consistant within each menu's context, but the game doesn't take any chances. 2.
Tilt: For a fantasy football nerd, this game is Nirvana. 3.
Overall (not an average): 2.

Monday, April 5, 2010

NFL Tour

NFL Tour

At some point, you have to just roll up a newspaper, smack every game on the nose and yell "No! Bad Video Game! We do not do that in the living room!" With NFL Tour, that moment happens about six minutes into the game. It's just terrible in every way, an attempt at a street-ball style that fails on every level, despite having its puppy heart in the right place.

NFL Tour starts out hopefully enough, with slick graphics and character models- the face models look great and even zoomed out to field view you can easily recognize the faces of the NFL's biggest stars. But then you realize the backgrounds and repetitive fields have the confetti-crowd repetition of, at best, an end-of-generation Playstation 1 game. The fireworks shows are canned and superimposed, lacking any of the dynamism of next-gen physics-based effects that are the hallmark of high-quality games.

The players chatter and trash-talk with appropriate voice work, and Trey Wingo snarks through the play-by-play, but unfortunately there's not a whole lot to hear. After one game, you'll have heard everything the announcer has to offer - twice. It's just depressing because Trey Wingo's lines are actually funny, but unfortunately there are so few of them that the laughs stop about halfway into the second quarter. Scott Van Pelt's work on Zombie Ninja Pro-Am is much better, and both are eclipsed by Frank Caliendo's absent-minded Madden impersonation in Blitz II, which is leaps and bounds better than Tour as a street-ball game.

The controls and playbook both take a massive step back in the name of "simple, arcadey play," nailing the simplism and completely forgetting to offer any arcadey action. Running is worthless and passing is mindless. The 'one-touch passing' feature is the worst possible scheme, where you key in on a receiver before the play, and have to manually cycle if he can't get open. To make the game tolerable, you'll have to switch to classic, Madden-style controls before starting. Once you have control of the ball, absent the truck stick you'll be forced to mash on the A button to bust through tackles. Of course, in the time you aren't running, another tackler will appear to knock you down anyway, so it's a moot quick-time event.

When there's only 9 total plays to pick from, though, you don't have to worry too much about picking the wrong play. They're all the wrong play, except "All Go." Just live by "All Go," and score on every posession. The game has a few extra atrocious minigames you will play once for the Gamerscore and then never look at again. It's just depressing because EA has the exclusive NFL license, yet because of that feels the need to innovate is completely absent. Hopefully Blitz II will put up the sales on the scoreboard to make EA come out with a true streetball game, but NFL Tour is definitely not that game.

Graphics: The characters look great, but the backgrounds and crowds are atrocious. 2.
Sound: Genuinely funny commentary - for about six minutes. Then, it's just grating. 1.
Controls: Weak, and the default setting is unplayable out of the box. 0.
Tilt: For about ten minutes, it's kinda fun, but you very soon regret the purchase. 1.
Overall (not an average): 1.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Fight Night Round 3

Fight Night Round 3

There's a lot of room on a control pad. EA Chicago makes the most out of the least with Fight Night Round 3 - its totally analog punching feels fantastic, and the demise of the studio is more the pity with weak iterations of the Sport of Kings prancing around the ring as if they owned it.

While it was very nearly a release title on the XBox 360, FNR3 has polish and slick appearance that even games coming out in the last few weeks fail to match. The boxers are fantastically detailed- of course the actual fighters look amazingly lifelike- and literally every bead of sweat is rendered and moves in a convincing fashion. I seriously cannot state enough how amazingly, jaw-bustingly gorgeous every hit looks, and the extra touches, from the round card girls who have visible C-section scars to the disturbingly busted-up faces of your opponents in the later rounds, bring a sense of realism to your TV. And the knockouts - oh, the knockouts! Lovingly replayed in super-slow-motion, to see the eyes roll back and the limbs go limp as you utterly crush some ham-and-egger in a dingy gymnasium are a sight that makes you cherish your high-definition television purchase.

There's a lot to like about the straightforward career mode, starting from the bottom and building your way up, a Cus D'Amato clone with you the whole way. The training minigames are occasionally unfair, but generally you'll be able to shape your fighter into something resembling the lights-out superstar of your dreams. The sound effects in the game are very convincing, and the grunts and smashes sound convincing, so there's no complaints on that front, while the soundtrack fits right in, neither being forgettable studio tracks nor out-of-place licensed music.

But you didn't come to the ring to see pretty boy prerendered cutscenes or listen to music, you came to box, and box you shall. With a "minute to learn, lifetime to master" wholly analog control sceme, you'll be alternating jabs, crosses and uppercuts quickly, as your character makes his way up the leaderboards. The left stick controls your footwork, while the right stick, moved in quarter-circles, half-circles or sweeping Hadouken-like maneuvers you can control the flow of the fight. Taking the life bars off the bottom of the screen does shockingly little to alter your play, as the visual cues in this game are so strong that you'll be able to tell when a feather will knock over the opponent. Counters are handled intelligently, as the computer will keep you from pummelling them into oblivion while you have to fight defensively to win.

Really, it comes down to enjoyability, and this game has so much to offer even someone who isn't a boxing fan. Moreso than an over-the-top world fighting game like DoA or Street Fighter, FNR3 hits the sweet spot of being easy to pick up, intricate enough to offer repeat playthroughs, and with a customizable Haymaker punch, allow you to inject some life into your created fighter.

Graphics: Top-notch. This game looks fantastic. 5.
Sound:
Nothing offensive, but few high points. 3.
Controls:
Revolutionary and familiar at once; a premonition of EA's analog hard-on perfected by skate. 4.
Tilt: You'll say "oooh, did you see me lay that guy out!" more than once. 4.
Overall (not an average): 4.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Fallout 3

Fallout 3


War. War Never Changes.

It must suck to be GTAIV right now. Last November, there was an absolute glut of great, great AAA titles, and Rockstar wanted nothing to do with fighting BioShock, Mass Effect and their friends. So they brought out their next-gen urban crime sandboxer in May of this year, and when I played it, I immediately crowned it Game of the Year. Nothing could touch it in production values or overall unifying aesthetic. Then the "Summer of Arcade" took the pressure off full disc releases, and it looked like, with Dead Space being great but not perfect and a few other titles faltered, GTAIV looked sure to sweep the year-end accolades.

Oops.

Fallout 3 is not the best game this year. It is the best game made so far. In games. Period, full stop. Bethesda so completely nailed the setting, and their attention to detail spilled over into every thing about the game being fantastic. In the ten years since Fallout 2's release, there's been endless fanboy gnashing of teeth, and while this won't satisfy them (nothing would have, let's be honest), this game delivers at the end on all the promise it offered at the start. Ostensibly, the game follows the progress of one of Vault-Tec's underground Vault Dwellers as he or she makes their escape into the blasted wastelands of a post-apocalyptic future/past Washington DC and affects the world around them on the search for his/her father, who ran away too.

Graphically, there isn't a lot to dislike. It has a draw distance that is essentially unparalleled, thousands of intriticately detailed character models, weapons, landscapes and enemies. More importantly, Bethesda totally nailed the design ethic of a future world where the rock-n-roll revolution never happened, and idyllic 1950's culture endured into a world of fusion cars, talking robots and of course, nuclear holocaust.

The sound runs the gamut, from traditional (but well-choreographed) 'fight music' as enemies approach, to a smattering of classic big band tunes on the various rogue radio stations still broadcasting to the wastes. No expense was spared on voice talent, either, as Malcolm McDowell lends his vocals to the voice of President Eden, and Liam Neeson takes on the role of your father. And of course, Ron Perlman reprises his role as narrator. Weapons and explosions are suitably booming, and the laser weaponry is pew-pew-y enough to harken 1950's space invader paranoia without parodying it.

The controls are daunting at first, but once the realization sets in that the game is essentially an RPG with turn-based combat, it becomes a lot more fun. All projectile weapons are terrifically inaccurate when fired from the hip, but once you enter VATS (a timestop action point based combat system) the enjoyment floods back into the game. The minigames really nail the feel of the actions they mimic; the hacking game in particular is rewarding, as you guess and filter clues to find the correct word out of a list, using a process of elimination, while the lockpicking minigame has real tactile response and overall pressure factored in to it.

Fallout 3 really shines not in the main story (which almost seems intentionally stunted and cropped to get the player to really explore) but in the almost endless variety of sidequests, and the absolutely jaw-dropping amount of things there are to do. There are simply too many things to do in this game, and you cannot possibly do them all. After having sunk over 70 hours (that's not a typo; there's a reason there's a week's gap in posts) into this game in the last month and still playing every day, I haven't explored even half of the game's world. The best parts of the game aren't even in the side quests, they are - like Heaven itself - in the details.

In one corner of the map, you will find a series of giant satellite dishes. Climbing up to the top of them reveals a pile of potato chips and several empty liquor bottles, lying on the top of the dish. And at first you are baffled, but it makes perfect sense. As the world is totally going to hell around you, it'd be pretty sweet to watch the nuclear sunrise from the highest point you can get to; just hanging out on top of a satellite dish and watching the stars as the world decays. There's really nothing I can say about the game that tops that, once you realize that that sort of attention to detail and logical concluding pervades every single step of the game, and you appreciate how much work went into making it, you have no choice but to laud it for basically the crowning achievement in building, populating, and convincingly destroying an entire world.

Graphics: Absurdly good. Highly-detailed walls, ground and a twinkling night sky, unique setpieces everywhere and the longest draw-distance I've ever seen. 5.
Sound: Great voice-acting, especially from the 3 "real stars" brought in, though some characters obviously have the same actor, but the effects and music (both licensed and original) are stellar. 5.
Controls: Not an issue. The only complaint is the inability to jump while on an incline, but that's an engine issue that can be avoided by not trying to glitch to inaccessible areas. With the choice to play any or all of the game in a 1st-, over-the-shoulder- or 3rd-person view, you shouldn't have any complaints. 5.
Tilt: Completely off the charts. Captures the dark human, fatalism and grittyness of Fallout without devolving into parody or taking itself too seriously. Secrets and easter eggs are everywhere. 5.
Overall (not an Average): Tendrils' Top Picks

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Bionic Commando: Rearmed

Bionic Commando: Rearmed

Once a series gets itself a hit, job one of everyone at the company is immediately milk that franchise for all it's worth. Nintendo understands this most succintly, slapping its properties' names on absolutely everything in order to push units. Other companies produce spinoff after spinoff or just keep cranking out sequels, innovating little and just upgrading graphically. Bionic Commando entered the "Iconic" phase of its career after just one fantastic game, and nothing was ever made of it, save for maybe a lazy port or two on a handheld system.

This changed during the "Summer of the Arcade," and Bionic Commando: Rearmed was (along with Castle Crashers) the cornerstone of that campaign. A full-on reimagining along with totally upgraded gameplay that still keeps the charm and no-jump-ness of the original, along with its balls-hard challenge.

Bionic Commando: Rearmed starts with a very simple formula: A platforming side-scroller with no jump button, instead you need to use your claw to swing through environments, rescue the POW and stop General Killt from completing the "Master D" project. Nothing fancy, but Heaven is in the details. The original dealt with the chiptunes and color palette of the NES, but the Reimagining (calling it a remake is completely unfair) goes all-out. It is also a proof-of-concept as a piece of salable advertising for the new, fully-3D next-generation Bionic Commando game releasing early in 2009. While it wasn't expected to turn a profit, it sold like gangbusters and proved that with enough hype and (gasp) effort, you can make an AAA title on a digital distribution service to console gamers profitable.

This is a beautiful title, and while it is unashamedly 2-D, this just lets them put that much more work into gorgeous painted backgrounds. New puzzles abound, and for those that played the original like crazy, things are both familiar and new to them. Bosses make a triumphant return as something to be 'solved' rather than simply ignored in favor of blowing the main control panel in each stage, and Groeber is now truly a force to be reckoned with instead of a recurring sub-boss.

Controlling Joe is just as fun as always, and swinging from lamp to lamp is a joy. There's really nothing more to say; there's a few physics-based quirks to take advantage of in the game that weren't in the original, but the mechanic remains totally unchanged from the original twenty years ago. The music, likewise, is stirring and suitably patriotic for your missions.

Honestly, this is a title that could easily have released at twice its price, and the fact that it didn't shows a lot of guts on the publisher's part, sticking to their guns to get this game in as many homes as possible, and the gambit worked. The game is just as challenging as the original, but with proper new-generation "three lives per level, not ever" ethics it is a firm but fair difficulty.

Graphics: Superb for any generation; superlative for its price tag. 4.
Sound: No voice acting, but the music and sound effects are great. 4.
Controls: Aggrivating in a good way; you know exactly what you want to do and how to do it, it's just down to execution. 3.
Tilt: Nostalgia meets actual effort in a port - make than a reimagining of an almost-forgotten classic. 5.
Overall (not an average): 4.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Tron

Tron

Tron is another movie tie-in game, but this one actually makes sense, since the movie it's tying into is based on playing videogames. It's circular logic at its best, but unfortunately the chiptunes and nostalgia don't hold up under the withering gaze of today's discerning gamers.

There are four minigames to play, each of differing levels of interest, representing the different tasks in Tron. In order, their enjoyability is thus: Light Bikes, Tanks, Spiders, and MCP Core. Light bikes are just plain fun, and although the computer is predictable and beatable, it's still fun to zip around on the board. Tanks takes a little strategy but has its moments. Spiders is not a terrible difficult game, but neither is it fun. MCP Core is completely inoffensive, simple and quick.

Graphically, it's very faithful to the arcade it came from in 1983, representing a massive missed opportunity. Digital Eclipse is known for its, shall we say, "faithful" ports, and they don't disappoint. Nothing is missing, and nothing is added. This is definitely a 25 year old video game. There's nostalgic beeps and bloops around, but nothing to stir the heart on the sound side, either.

In the original, which I spent at least $50 on when I first encountered it, the control scheme was unique and fun- you were given a flight stick that glowed blue and a spinning wheel like Arkanoid to work with. Unfortunately, the XBox 360 controller, for all its positives, has nothing that can remotely support this, and so playing certain stages (notably Tanks) is a chore because you aren't fighting the enemy, but the control scheme itself. The "half-spin, then directions reverse" setup is the reason Tempest is an unplayable mess on the Arcade as well.

For $5 Tron is a fine addition to the Arcade - it stokes nostalgia, offers a quick diversion with local and online multiplayer (although lobbies are expectably dead) with a unique "Pressure Cooker" game mode that allows you to pile on the difficulty to a faltering opponent to knock him out of the match. But you get what you pay for, and Tron is unashamedly a bare-bones port of a 25-year old quarter pounder.

Graphics: Servicable, but Digital Eclipse upgrade nothing from the 1983 original. 1.
Sound: Nothing of note here. 1.
Controls: You'll fight with the lack of a scroll wheel, but it's not too damning if you select control scheme "C" (Absolute) from the Menu. 2.
Tilt: A trip down memory lane, but also a sober and welcoming reminder that things have gotten better and there wasn't a halcyon day when every game was good. 2.
Overall (not an average): 2.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Iron Man

Iron Man

Movie Tie-In games are always a crapshoot; many times they get rushed out the door in a terrible, unplayable mess. Iron Man dodges this ignoble fate - barely. If you were jazzed about the movie (and let's face it, it was a pretty awesome movie), this game does a great job recreating several scenes from it, completely with original Robert Downey Jr. voice-over work (which is pretty classy for a tie-in game), while being a servicable mission-based beat-em-up.

The graphics are uneven - Shellhead looks great, but the backgrounds and enemies are repetitive, nondescript and brown. There's a lot of space to explore, and some locations are reasonably unique, but to capitalize on the game's strongest asset (flying), the stages are huge, and thus either bland and empty or just uninteresting as you go hurtling past them.

The music in the game is present pretty much only in the menus, and then is just a score, but the explosions seem resounding enough. The complete voice-over preformance by Robert Downey Jr is something I can't stress enough. There is almost no excuse in this day and age not to have the best voice-acting talent available. Mass Effect managed to have full voice-overs for a giant, branching RPG for both a male and a female character; no game should aspire to less.

It's clear that one concept was emphasized throughout: "How Awesome would it be to fly around like Iron Man?" The team at Secret Level took that idea and absolutely ran with it, and flying feels great, although the controls do have a steep learning curve, but the aim-assist mitigates the difficulty involved in moving in three dimensions. But when the After-burners kick in and the Bronze Bombshell flies in to save the day, there's really nothing like it. Unfortunately, the missions he participates in do drag on pretty quickly, being barely interesting as it becomes checkpoint blasting at its finest. A little structure is never a bad thing, but this game takes it just far enough to be restricting, but not as far as, say, The Club, where the missions are tight enough to be endlessly replayable in search of a high score.

There's a lot to like about Iron Man, but it is in the end just shy of being a great game.

Graphics: Iron Man looks fantastic and his movement is slick. Still, the environments he plays in are lacking. 3.
Sound: Great voice-over work by Downey; everything else is so-so. 4.
Controls: Steep learning curve to getting Shellhead to do what you want, but flying feels great. 3.
Tilt: If it were a T-shirt, it would be sized "Extra Medium." 3.
Overall (not an average): 3.